Unspoken

There’s an infamous problem in our society today that is growing by the day. The society gave it roots and it’s fast spreading like a virus, if we don’t get rid of this problem soon enough, we will have nowhere to live.

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This is about murders and conspiracies. When I watch news these days, I can tell that this grim-visaged war is thinning humanity, making it lose meaning. In the past three years, I’ve heard and read about so many cases of murders and the conspiracies that follow suit. It is unfortunate that human beings have now given themselves authority to decide who lives and who dies, it’s revolting! Just recently on Facebook, there was a video widely shared of a wife watching her husband die after allegedly poisoning him and the reason was that they had a fight about money. First of all, I deeply regretted watching that video and I even hoped that they were just acting, that it wasn’t real.

When did the rain start beating us though? Ever since I was little girl, I always thought that Africans valued life, when did we get to a point where the only solution we have to our problems is to take another’s life? I’ve noticed that this problem is now attacking families. Recent news has been filled with reports of spouses killing each other, husbands and wives feeling the need to solve their marital issues ‘by the sword’. While this happens, children are left orphaned, their development affected, obviously, they would probably grow with so much hatred for themselves and for everyone around them thereby making it a cycle.

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I am following a conversation that was started in a Facebook group about a divorced daughter being better that a dead daughter. Am just wondering, just how much pressure can a woman feel from the society that she would choose to stay in a relationship with a man who can kill her, instead of walking away? Does she stay for the sake of the children? If so, when she dies, how will the children live without her? Just how much damage can it cause in their lives? Isn’t that greater than being referred to as a divorcee or a single mother? Being a single parent, I imagine, is tough but I believe it gives you so much peace knowing that you have your children to look after and to protect. Isn’t staying in an abusive relationship ,for the sake of the children, selfishness? Some people would argue that it’s love but c’mon! how would you love your children when you are not with them? I deliberately apply the same thinking to husbands..why wouldn’t you walk away from a woman who is likely to kill you? If she beats you senseless, when you get your senses back, pack up and go, be a dad from a safe distance and by all means ensure your children are safe.

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Why would a man commit suicide because he has had an argument with his wife? Suicide is a slow action. No one wakes up one morning and decides to kill themselves, it comes from the feelings of depression and hopelessness piled overtime. There’s a common saying that men don’t usually share their problems, that it is a show of weakness. Who even came up with this crazy idea?! I realize that there has to be some limit when sharing issues but if it presses you too much, heck, share it with the person you know will help you, cry even. Sharing relieves you of that burden almost completely. This notion applies to both men and women though. Women tend to share a lot, even unnecessary things, lol. Women also tend to share their problems with just anyone, they don’t vet who they tell their problems to. Sometimes, you wouldn’t know who truly is for you unless you vet them. You may realize thereafter, that more than half of the people you share your problems with are against you and are secretly rejoicing about your ‘downfall’. This is not even important here but I’ll just add that I’ve learnt enough lessons in my life, that I let very few people in on what’s really pressing me, they are people who would help even without me asking.

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As parents, I believe that we need to encourage our sons and daughters to also love themselves, much as they love their own children and spouses. When your child opens up to you about violence in their relationships, perhaps you should make it your business to see how best that can end immediately instead of telling them to “vumilia tu, watu wataongea sana” (“just tolerate it, people will talk”). People will always talk. We should also teach our children to show their loved ones the same level of respect that they would wish to be shown. It’s all about giving 100%, no ‘half-stepping’ and charity begins at home.

If you live your life worrying about what people will say about you, you will never be free.

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2 thoughts on “Unspoken

  1. First congratulations on your blog, you go girl! Domestic violence is a topic that hits close to home for me. My mother(God rest her soul in peace) was a victim,being beaten almost every other day for any or no apparent reason. She chose to leave or left as we say it these days😂, and mind you this was in the 80’s when single parenting was a no no in the society. She was called names and we were looked down upon but I am glad today that she was strong enough to leave. If there is one lesson I took and ran with from this is to never allow a spouse to hit you. It all starts with verbal abuse then gradually it becomes a slap, kick then a fully fledged fight where one is likely to lose a life. I believe couples should clearly state that they don’t tolerate violence early on in the relationship and consequences if it ever happens. Watching news these days is heartwrenching. As young parents we should teach our girls that it’s ok to leave when violence is present in a relationship, and our boys that hitting a woman is unacceptable no matter what.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much dear and thank you for sharing this. I admire the
      decision your mum made, that was beautiful and really courageous, hopefully, someone will see this and also have the same courage to walk away. You mentioned that couples should state their expectations early enough and I absolutely agree, in fact we should have this as a topic of discussion one day…Parents/guardians have the sole responsibility of instilling in their children moral decency, very well said!

      Like

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